Sad rose - Mindful things to do after a breakup | Life in a Balance

How To Mindfully Deal With A Break-up

How To Mindfully Deal With A Break-up

Sad rose - Mindful things to do after a breakup | Life in a Balance
Over the Christmas period, I was literally surrounded by break-ups. My mum, my best friend, every film I’d watch and all the music I seemed to be listening to. The festive season was seeming to be a time of heartache rather than cheer. 
 
I didn’t want my close ones to feel pain – especially not during a time that’s geared towards family.. So I’d give advice. Advice about how to see the situation from a different perspective. To see the love and positives rather than the anger and disappointment. Then sometimes after I’d offer this advice, I’d think to myself ‘can you really do this Gabs? Can you really be in a position to give out this advice when you aren’t in their shoes. You’ve never had to deal with a break up like this, so you kinda have no idea what they’re going through..’.
 
Well, it seems the Universe was just gently preparing me… Yep… Lo and behold, I got dumped. 

If I can see the light, so can you

So why have I decided to lay myself rather bare and vulnerable and write a blog post about my own breakup experience? Because I’m actually feeling rather proud of myself. 
 
I understand not every relationship and situation is the same. I felt very strongly about my ex who I had a beautiful story with – and I’m currently sat here, with tears falling from my eyes that are coming from a place of gratitude and love rather than anger and resentment. So yeah, I’m feeling pretty proud of myself for following my own advice, and for realising
that it was actually pretty great advice! 
 
So I want to share, because if I can find happiness and positivity in a breakup, I want to give you a chance of doing the same. Breakups and goodbye’s can be flippin’ hard, fact.. rejection, self-doubt, vulnerability and anger can all show their faces – but it doesn’t have to be this way. It doesn’t have to be all heartbreak. You can be alone. And you can be happy. 
 
So you want to know how to make your break up easier? Try these 7 mindful things to do after a breakup, then see how you feel and please let me know 🙂 

1. Be Present

Girl reading being present - Mindful things to do after a breakup | Life in a balance
It’s hard to stop ourselves from getting lost in thoughts and imagining things.. What could have been.. Any hidden reasons behind them ending it.. Them being with someone else.. But there’s just no point. You’ll never know these things so why put your mind through such unnecessary torment?
 
When you feel yourself starting to think about what they’re doing, or wishing you were with them, just bring your attention back to whatever it is you’re doing in that exact moment. 
 
If you’re driving – just drive and give the strangers in the car next to you a smile. If you’re working – put your full attention into the task and smash it. 
 
Try meditating, or throw yourself in at the deep end and do a Vipassana course like I did. Or simply, take some deep breaths, and come back to where you are, what you’re doing and give you mind and heart a break.

2. Feel The Pain

Girl feeling pain laying on a bed - Mindful ways to deal with a breakup | Life in a balance
We tend to try and make our pain or sadness go away with some kind of escape mechanism. Sometimes it’s drink, sometimes drugs, shopping, or maybe sometimes it’s even sex with a stranger or Tinder date.
 
But is this how you want to heal? By blocking the pain out and preventing yourself from taking anything from this difficult situation? You want to feel better and to feel happy.. I get it. But you’re just trying to escape from the sadness. And all this does is send the pain wayyy way back down. Deeper inside your heart, ready and waiting to pop right back up as soon as those same wounds once again become vulnerable. 
 
Fact is, you’re going to feel sad. You’re going to feel hurt. And you’re going to feel pain. So feel it! Actually feel and face it. When we face difficult situations head on, we have the opportunity to learn and grow. So take advantage of this sadness you’re experiencing – it’ll teach you what you need to learn if you let it. 

3. Realise only You Can Make Yourself Happy

Happy woman - Mindful things to do after a breakup
If you’re feeling like your world is falling apart, that’s a sign you maybe lost sight of your own independence during your relationship. Perhaps you felt your partner and your shared memories or plans were the reason for your happiness. You had so much to look forward to and work towards together. And now you feel like something is missing. You feel alone… 
 
And therein lies the problem. You should never rely on any other human for being responsible for your happiness. Nobody – including your partner – has any obligation to make you happy – and no one should feel or be made to feel this is their responsibility. 
 
So if you’re feeling lonely, incompleteor a sense of emptiness, this is the perfect opportunity for you to figure out what makes you happy. Figure out what you want to do, what direction you want to take, how to make yourself happy and to be happy by your self. That way, when and if your next romance comes along, it will be full of ease and detachment as you enter into it free of neediness.
 
This new feeling of being completely whole and content will be with you in every aspect of life.

4. Ignorance Is Bliss

Woman covering ears - Mindful things to do after a breakup | Life in a Balance
I’m sure you’ve heard this saying before, and for a break-up this can be important. By ignorance, I mean stopping yourself from trying to find out information. Information that just leads to painful and unnecessary assumptions or perceptions. Whether it’s from mutual friends, family, social media – try to resist digging. 
 
Okay, so your ex follows a girl on Instagram hours after you say goodbye.. It’s random, she’s pretty.. So you start to think. Which leads to overthinking. Which leads to stalking. I’m pretty sure we’ve all been here. And it’s not fun. 
 
But why do we do this to ourselves? We have no idea the reasoning behind this other than the stories we tell ourselves, which usually lean towards worst case scenario. This is what I mean by being ignorant. Don’t go looking for something. Or if you do find something out unintentionally, try to detach from the uncomfortable feeling. 
 
Ideally, the aim is to train your brain to accept the fact you will never know. All your ideas about the information are based thoughts or perceptions – which at the end of the day can be whatever you want them to be. But mastering this is tough and it takes time. So in the meantime… be a wee bit ignorant. 

5. Don’t Regret a Thing

Waste of time - Mindful things to do after a breakup | Life in a balance
When your other half pulls the plug, one of your first thoughts may be about how this relationship was such a massive waste of your time. But no matter how much time you invested into this relationship, it wasn’t a waste. Thinking and feeling this way only leads to regret, which isn’t a fun time and is completely unnecessary.  
 
Rather than focussing on a wasted past or a lost future, try to focus on everything you have to be grateful for during the time you spent together. Focus on all the wonderful memories you have with this person and all the lessons you learnt being with them. About yourself and about relationships. 
 
Resentment, anger and bitterness are feelings that will keep your heart closed and create some form of barrier. Whereas forgiveness, understanding and maturity will open you up to a world full of possibilities and love. 

6. Transform Yourself!

Butterfly transforming - Mindful things to do after a breakup | Life in a balance
Take this opportunity to transform yourself and your life. Make the flippin’ most of it and become the flower you always knew you could and wanted to grow into – now is your chance. So take it. 
 
Maybe your own dreams got lost when you were in the relationship – or maybe you couldn’t see what they were. Or perhaps you didn’t feel motivated or inspired to do or go for something you always wanted to. So let this breakup be your motivation. Let it give you that big boost towards what you truly want in life. 
 
Become the best version of yourself and grow through the past. For nobody other than yourself. 

7. Meditate

Meditate - Mindful things to do after a breakup | Life in a Balance
You’ve probably heard it from me before, and you’re about to hear it again. Meditate. Just please try so you can eventually leave a comment on this post about how incredible and helpful meditation has been for you… 
 
Okay seriously, just give yourself some love and time to try and work with all your thoughts and feelings. Whether that’s through sending them on their way, or trying to understand them. Just be still. Mentally and physically. 
 
Maybe you’ll face some harsh realities about your relationship or maybe it’ll bring peace to it all. Meditation is different for everyone. So give it a try for yourself, keep at it, and see what clarity and change it brings to the situation and to your life. 
 
For me, I threw myself in at the deep end and participated in a silent 10 Day Vipassana Meditation Course just one week after our split. I was sh*tting myself worrying about what demons I’d face. But honestly, I left feeling completely healed. But if you’re wanting something a little tamer, here’s a great meditation app I love.

Wrap-up

So really, dealing with a breakup comes down to some presence, self-love mindfulness and enthusiasm for life! 
 
Try as hard as you can to shift your mindset from negative and unhelpful feelings and emotions, to positive and happy vibes – and this is exactly what you’ll see more of in your brand new life. 
 
You need to have some courage right now. You need to be brave and be the bigger person. I believe in you, so believe in yourself too. <3

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This Post Has One Comment

  1. Shelly

    Absolutely lovely read Gabs, keep at it. Such a beautiful young lady inside and out ? xxx

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